Somewhere between the Atlantic and San Fran
"Somewhere In-between"
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At some point, I lost my heart and I don't know entirely where I left it. I wondered if I lost it on the high seas of the Atlantic while dancing drunk at the disco every night. It could have been the "pool boy" who my family was dead set on him being into me, or maybe the man that only drank Black Label and a smile that could melt your heart in moments. Perhaps, of course, I lost it that night in San Fran when I liberally danced with friends, tried my pickup lines out, and glowed for the first time in months.
I went on a cruise for the first time ever, shared a room with my grandmother, and drank way too liberally the entire time.
I LEARNED
Far Ouuutttt
Oh by golly I learned, that even when you think you know yourself ... you have no idea what you will run into while sipping a Sex on the Beach and listening to reggaeton in a nightclub cruising the ocean. I had denied myself gratification for being me for so long that when I heard the words "girl you have melanin! Move those hips"... it really resonated with me and so, I danced! But ... I didn't just dance or do my usually KC booty bop. I held hands with a man, and danced the bachata, while sipping drinks, laughing, and promising to return the next night. I said YES! I made beautiful friends from Sweden and more than used my friend's unlimited drink pass without hesitating.
“Pour up, drank, head shot, drank
Sit down, drank, stand up, drank
Pass out, drank, wake up, drank
Faded, drank, faded, drank ”
LITERALLYYYYYYYYY
I VIBRATED ON HIGH
I vibrated on high in San Francisco while eating chicken and waffles and listening to live music for brunch. It wasn't until I was eating at a greasy food breakfast and laughing at a friend who was in shock the cook was not wearing gloves that I realized my anxiety was gone. Anything that I had felt up until that point could not have really been living! I had never actually been in California by myself just for pure enjoyment and it solidified more than ever that I was home. I saw a best friend I had not seen in years, I went clubbing in jeans and sandals and danced with random men and women. I was liberated. I am convinced every day should feel just like that.
So NOW what?
Yep, I am stuck somewhere between Duval county and having my heart split between never being surrounded by the culture offered here, falling in love with a stranger on a boat name Aryiel ... oh hello, or being where I have always been meant to be.
Black Label
I guess that's all apart of the journey...
